Rock, Paper, Scissors; Vasectomies (The Big Snip Snip)

 
Image Courtesy Unsplash

Image Courtesy Unsplash

So it’s time for your partner to start thinking about getting a vasectomy. 

Great.

Bring on the whining, complaining, and complete and total reluctance. 

I’ve heard of dudes who have booked appointments, sat in the parking lot and then were too chicken to actually go in. 

I’ve also overheard many after-math stories shared between guys over a beer (to scare each other just like women do with their birthing experiences). 

Those stories have included the smell of burning hair, looking up and seeing puffs of smoke, swollen and bleeding balls.

What I find quite hilarious itself is how they have to go about the follow-up process, getting their semen tested to make sure the procedure worked. I will get into that a bit later.

So I do sympathize slightly with the reluctance… 

SLIGHTLY.

But come on dudes! It’s really not that bad.

Women go through so much more conceiving, carrying and birthing. 

You lose count how many times you have your privates poked and prodded at during a pregnancy. 

I won’t go into birthing details. 

If you didn’t get a chance to read the last post on the blog, Kristy Syme’s, What to Expect When You Are Done Expecting, you must. Actually, show your husband that post. Maybe that reminder of what postpartum looks like would be enough to convince him to book his vasectomy appointment. 

No matter how a birth goes, I’m pretty sure it’s always going to be harder than a vasectomy procedure.

It’s actually funny that I’m writing about this topic. 

I guess I’m at that stage where a lot of friends are closing that chapter.

My husband’s had the procedure done, so I know all about the reluctance and complaining afterward.

He’s a very private person so I won’t go any further into his experience.

But I will break it down for you in a general sense.

So what actually happens during the big snip snip?

If you simply look it up on Health BC’s website, “A vasectomy prevents the release of sperm when a man ejaculates. During a vasectomy, the vas deferens from each testicle is clamped, cut, or otherwise sealed. This prevents sperm from mixing with the semen that is ejaculated from the penis. An egg cannot be fertilized when there are no sperm in the semen.” 

Some clinics advertise “no-scalpel vasectomies” where instead of making two incisions they’re able to do it with one tiny puncture and a special instrument. 

There are clinics that use a laser instead to create the incision required to expose the vas deferens. The laser can be used to sever the tubes, but since the tubes must be exposed anyways it doesn’t differ much from the traditional procedure. 

Carrying on, I also thought I would highlight this quote from Health BC:  

“It usually takes several months after a vasectomy for all remaining sperm to be ejaculated or reabsorbed. You must use another method of birth control until you have a semen sample tested and it shows a zero sperm count. Otherwise, you can still get your partner pregnant.”

This has definitely come up in conversations.

I’ve heard of lots of men who skipped the follow-up and got their wife pregnant. 

Why skip it when it might mean bringing another child into the world when you’re both obviously done having kids?

Because it’s a bit of a tricky (and sticky) situation.  

So your husband has to masturbate into a cup? That doesn’t sound so bad! 

However, there are guidelines, which include keeping the semen at body temperature as well as dropping off the sample at a designated time within 30 minutes of collecting it. 

So for many dudes that means having to park somewhere somewhat close to the drop-off lab and masturbating. 

Creepy! 

Where do you park? What if someone walks by? Hopefully you have tinted windows. Does your wife join you? Do you make a date of it?

Does your wife feel like a two-bit whore meeting her John at a secluded location? 

This is why guys often don’t do the follow-up. I shouldn’t generalize though. Maybe this is why some guys love doing the follow-up, if wife helps get the job done.

Some of my friends have made their husbands email them confirmation from the doctor that it worked.

That chapter is closed. Final. They want proof. 

If your husband is on the fence about getting a vasectomy, sit him down and highlight that the procedure is quick and rarely has complications. Also, break down the cost and how life will change again if you have another child. Maybe also mention what you’ve gone through. In my case the birth control I was taking was making me whacko. I had to stop taking it. 

The timing couldn’t have been more perfect for this post… as I already mentioned just have him read that previous post of Kristy’s.

That should seal the deal (har har). 

Ashley Degraaf